The Friendly Bouncers

The Diary of Meriele Éclair Moonsilver

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Day 1
My first mission as a Friendly Bouncer! And it’s…courier duty? It seems they mean to have us integrate with the people of Rivergate by performing trivial tasks. Fair enough, I’d like to familiarize myself with this town and its customs. I just don’t understand why the drow we’ve been partnered with insists on shaking hands. Perhaps his cordiality is the reason he was maimed by his own people?

Day 2
I’m thankful to have been partnered with a fellow eladrin on this task. Svay served as a militiaman in a city much like Rivergate, it seems, so he has been a boon to my studies and our recent incursions against kobold brigands. The rest of the group has performed admirably, however they seem more preoccupied with exploiting the people of Rivergate through capitalism and stealing my likeness for their own homoerotic affairs. It seems that no matter how far I travel, I may never escape the petty machinations of the Court of Seasons. At least Svay has a proper head on his shoulders.

Day 3
When I opted to bring my shami along on my travels, I mainly did so because I assumed Mother would grow cross at the thought of it gathering dust in the study. I certainly wasn’t expecting to actually use it, let alone in a competition of all things. At least Luma seemed to enjoy singing along.

Day 4
Spent the evening dueling a chemically-altered kobold chieftain within a tornado of fire. This was a valuable personal lesson in and of itself.

The guild hall has become lively since I returned. It’s nice to know that our efforts have touched the hearts of the people of Rivergate. I could stand to do without the accompanying upsurge in flirtatious young men, however. If all these new recruits really wanted to impress me, they could start by actually doing the job they signed up for instead of wasting time on their shallow poems and heinous perfumes. I’m sure Hermot and the Fornicator would appreciate the attention if they weren’t occupied with their new emporium of…cultural wares.

Day 5
A new job came in today! It appears I’m…acting in a play. Seriously? Well, it’s to protect a diplomat from an assassination attempt, so at least the cause is legitimate.
Apparently, this Morielle Sungold person I’m supposed to impersonate is the living definition of the term “skank”. It’s a regional colloquialism I’m unfamiliar with, but seriously, who dresses like this? I can’t help but feel like I’ve seen these clothes before though. That girl, too. Whenever I look at her, I’m overwhelmed by a feeling of profound sadness. I wonder why?

Day 6
Let me clarify one important point: I do not hate homosexuals, despite the fact that I disagree with the life choices they have made. But homosexual drunkards trying to murder me and my friends? That’s where I draw the line. Those poor fools made one too many bad choices.

Day 7
The play has ended, and my time in that scandalous costume along with it. I will say I’m amazed at the stage crew and their ability to manipulate the fabric of time and space and warp the stage into an immersing scene.



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